"a little benediction..."

i wait for my divine benediction
for it to rain on me like water in a shower
just to feel the love again
to be awash in the power

i wait for my quiet benediction
to speak louder to me in the most unbearable way
maybe i would still like pushing on
maybe my heart and mind wouldn't stray

don't know why i'm running
don't know why i can't stay
don't know who's coming
to claim me on judgement day
don't know if what lies for me is heaven
because me and my father haven't talked in so long
there's still a love for him in my heart
don't know if all i do is wrong
maybe i've crossed that line
turned into a habitual line stepper
don't know if i'll see my mom
or my grandmother though i have never met her

i wait for my benediction to come
though it seems like i won't get answer
this is my broken,often fun-filled,shattered life
but i don't really know what's the matter